Nothing. There are moments in life when it feels like everything has been ripped from us. Moments in which we forget all of our other many blessings and even our reasons to live. Moments when nothing else seems to matter.
My Granddad died seven years ago today. I was on vacation in Maui when I received the phone call from my Aunt. Her call woke me on Wednesday, May 30, 2007 and interrupted a dream that I was having about not being able to find my Granddad. In what was really a nightmare my Aunt and I were searching high and low trying to find him. Nothing will ever wake me up faster than a phone call before the sun rises.
I said “Hello?”
She said “Honey.”
I quickly responded “NO!!! No. This can not be happening. This is not ok. That’s why we couldn’t find him. NO!!!!”
She replied “I’m so sorry.”
And then we cried. For a long time. Holding our phones. Knowing there was nothing else we could do. It was unexpected. The heart attack took him in an instant. My Aunt never said the words that my Granddad was gone. She didn’t have to. I knew it without hearing them.
Nothing will ever fill the hole in my heart that my Granddad’s passing created. Nothing will ever feel like his hugs and smell like the scent of his skin when he hugged me or soothe my soul like the sound of his laughter. Nothing. And I’m ok with that “nothing” because it reminds me of “something”. Something so great – someone so important.